Being comfortable in our skin seems such an elusive undertaking for many people. I see it in my clients, my friends, my family and often as I've gazed into my own mirror. In this blog I'm being called to discuss why I believe it can be so challenging to just BE ourselves and what I have learned along the way of breaking down some of my own barriers.
Conditioning~ You Are Who You Were Told You Were
It took well into my thirties and numerous traumas in my late twenties to recognise I had never really paused long enough to ask 'Who Am I?'. I had sat with the discomfort of not knowing the answer but had not ever posed the question. By discomfort I mean, anxiousness, frustration, people-pleasing, lack of boundaries and no true voice. I had a voice, I was loud, mostly bubbly, vivacious, a shit-stirrer with the appearance of confidence. Yet when it came to meaningful situations, to me choosing me, my truth, my greatness and seeing the depths of my gifts, that all got swallowed up, my voice disappeared and I often went against what I truly wanted. We are conditioned from infancy to listen outside of ourselves. We morph into the versions that we are influenced to become. This is no dig at those who partake in the conditioning because we all do it at some level. We all have our perceptions and assumptions of how it is and what we want for those around us, but rarely this allows space for people to contemplate who they actually are, instead falling into the trap of thinking they are who they've been taught to be.
Coming Out Of Automatic Pilot Living
So often we don't step out of automatic pilot, we are thrust out! My people-pleasing, taking ownership of what wasn't mine, being hyper-critical and experiencing frustration of being misunderstood was easily overlooked while I was 'creating a life I loved.' But when it all came crashing down, that revealed more than I ever thought possible. It created such an internal tension that I could no longer ignore the impact of not owning the truth of who I was, ALL of it. Some of my perceived characteristics I quietly despised, some I secretly loved. None of them were ever spoken about in-depth. They were joked about, ridiculed, seen as flaws or down played to hide the innate uniqueness of who I am. There was safety in doing this but certainly not much comfort. Sound familiar? Because what is not unique, is how often people do not see the gift that it is to be who they are. They live in automatic pilot, living out a life that does not necessarily correspond to the whispers of their heart, stifling their truth and feeling incapable to change the fall out.
What Has Guided My Path To Knowing Me?
Human Design: I was introduced to Human Design in early 2016. While it has the power to unlock new awareness, sometimes it has felt a more mechanical approach to knowing myself. I am naturally a 'take me on a journey' kinda girl, so while helpful, there have been limits to how I work with it. The aspect that has had the most profound influence, is learning that I am a 1/4 profile. 1's are here for the rabbit holes. We love information and go deep into the nuances of the topics we love. Falling into a hypnotic, fixated state if left to it. We have a thirst for new knowledge and learnings BUT if we don't have the required information we can feel very inadequate. We are unlikely to want to undertake something new without understanding it first, we become an authority by hyper-focusing and sucking the marrow from the bone. 4's take what they know out to their communities. They love people (doesn't mean lots of people but we like a deep connection with those we are around) and they love making a difference to them. A 1/4 naturally wants to share their learnings within their community and will be usually well received in these arenas. The beauty I began to see was that not everyone wants to deep dive. They do not derive the same satisfaction or ecstasy from reading, listening and learning that I do, BUT they sure benefit from me sharing what I know with them. 1/4's can be a short cut to a lot of people, saving time and energy if they can share what they've learned in succinct and effective ways. (That is not always easy!) My biggest uncoverings~ My hyper-focus is essential to me being me and is actually a gift.
I will always have to manage the discomfort of 'inadequate' murmurings when I do not have the level of information I need. (There is a difference between feeling and being inadequate, it's an important definition to make.)
Gene Keys: Another profile system but a much more contemplative experience. Less mechanical than H.D, it was the journey that settled perfectly into my central-nervous system which craved ease and grace over pursuit and conquer. As I opened up the activation sequence I began to recognise, at first, where I was not being who I was here to be. It revealed the 'forgettings', the way I was not remembering what lay hidden within my DNA and how to synthesise these shadows through absolute truth to reveal more light. This has been the ultimate path for me to sit and realise 'I am who I think I am!' As I contemplated each key, it's position, archetype and gift, it is like I found myself returning home, time and time again. I became more and more comfortable in my own skin and stepped into what it is to be innately me and the purpose for her in this lifetime. My biggest uncoverings~ My Purpose Sphere is the Confidant- I am naturally intuitive. I hear what is not said. It is the spaces between people's words that I hear the most and I can reflect things others just do not see or recognise until I share them. People tell me their secrets effortlessly and I often hear "I don't know why I just told you that, I've never shared that with anyone." The highest energy of this key is Empathy. It is through the embodiment of this truth that creates an energetic safety for others and it is my ultimate purpose in this lifetime. To create spaces for people to feel safe, open up and let their own truth be seen. My Attraction Sphere is the Librarian- Recognising that when I am not in my truth I will attract the shadow of this key which is inadequacy. A pattern of again attracting situations and relationships which highlighted a sense of inadequacy became blindingly obvious. The more I began to see this, the less power it held. The Librarian is resourceful gathering knowledge and wisdom from the endless stories of her own and others to become a competent storyteller. Often I have heard "Oh wow that makes so much sense, I just get it when you explain it like that." I love words, spoken and written. It comes so easily to let them dance across a page or stage to let my heart messages sing their own song. My Pearl Sphere is the Medicine Woman- Bringing communities of people together for storytelling and healing is absolutely the BIG BANG of my life. Unlocking and owning the intricacies of my uniqueness and giving myself permission to embrace the impact on others seeking their own liberation is how prosperity sits so simply within my soul. To know that I am who I think I am is the ultimate in being prosperous in all areas of life.
Being You Is The Best Gift You Can Give! (yourself and others)
The world deserves to receive the best of you. Do you know who that is though? If you were asked to name 5 of your best attributes, would that be easy? What if I asked you to make a list of 100 outcomes/ripple effects you create by sharing your gifts, how would that go?
We are not conditioned to reflect on all that we are with healthy admiration. Often we grow up with an under or overinflated reflection of ourselves. We are steered down paths that confuse us, stuffed into boxes we just don't fit and wait until a tipping point to bring ourselves back from the brink. I have gone from- Worrier to Warrior- Squished into the box of being too sensitive, emotional and an over-thinker, the truth is, these are actually some of my superpowers. I feel deeply and I give you permission to too, if you're called to it. Over-sharer to intentional speaker- Being told I talk too much was always the most uncomfortable reflection I was given, so much so that I tried to train myself not to talk. Until I realised I say what others can't. These are the two stand out things others told, reflected or joked about that I wanted desperately to change. They made me wrong or inept in some way. I have learned on the journey of knowing who I am that some of what I was told were my greatest shortcomings are in fact my greatest gifts! This is what others have experienced stepping into my work. The unfolding of many perceived shortcomings, roadblocks or hurdles into the most undervalued aspects of their innate uniqueness. It is a place they come to and uncover all that lies hidden. Are curious as to what lies ahead in your life? What could change if you really knew who you were here to be? Be sure to reach out here if you need a little direction to get you started on the path.
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